Talking to your kids about disability…
Talking to Children About Individuals with Disabilities: A Guide for Parents
As a mom of a curious 4 year old, I have been thinking a lot about how to introduce the concept of disability to my own child. Children are naturally curious and may ask questions when they encounter individuals with disabilities. These moments offer an opportunity to foster empathy, respect, and understanding at an early age. But how can we engage in meaningful conversations with children about disabilities? I know that I hold a fear that if I teach about disability, it is all my child will see. That isn’t what I want …
Here’s a guide to facilitating these discussions in a sensitive and developmentally appropriate way. Even more, I have asked a few parents to share their thoughts on peers knowing about disability.
1. Start Early with Simple Language
Children are naturally inquisitive, and when they see someone who communicates differently, uses a wheelchair, or has an assistive device, they may have questions. It’s important to start these conversations early, using language they can understand. For younger children, keep explanations simple and direct. For example:
"Some people talk differently, and that's okay!"
"He uses a wheelchair to get around, just like you use your legs."
Avoid overcomplicating the explanation, and instead, focus on fostering understanding and normalizing differences.
2. Use Positive, Respectful Language
The words we use matter, especially when talking about people with disabilities. Children will mirror the language they hear, so it’s important to model respectful and positive terms. Encourage the use of person-first language (e.g., "a person with autism" rather than "an autistic person"), which emphasizes that a person is not defined by their disability. You can also introduce identity-first language if the individual prefers it, such as in the case of some members of the Deaf or autistic community. The key is to frame disabilities as just one aspect of who a person is, not something that defines their entire identity.
3. Emphasize Similarities and Celebrate Differences
Children tend to focus on differences, so it’s helpful to guide them toward recognizing what they have in common with individuals with disabilities. Start by pointing out shared activities, emotions, or interests:
"She loves to play games, just like you!"
"He goes to school and has friends, just like you do."
At the same time, it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate differences in a positive light:
"Isn’t it cool that people have different ways of doing things?"
"He communicates with a device that helps him talk, and that’s pretty amazing!"
Normalizing differences as part of the human experience helps children grow into adults who are more inclusive and accepting of others.
4. Encourage Empathy and Inclusion
One of the most powerful ways to talk to children about disabilities is by encouraging empathy. Use situations to prompt empathy-building questions like:
"How would you feel if it was hard for you to talk or move?"
"What can we do to help everyone feel included?"
Helping children understand what it might feel like to live with a disability fosters kindness and thoughtfulness. Encourage them to think about how they can include everyone in activities, whether it’s on the playground, at school, or in social settings. This empowers children to be active participants in creating a more inclusive environment.
5. Answer Questions Honestly
When children ask about disabilities, they are seeking understanding. While it’s important to keep explanations simple and age-appropriate, it’s equally important to be honest. If you don’t know the answer to a child’s question, it’s okay to admit it. You can say:
"I’m not sure, but we can learn about it together!"
This teaches children that it’s okay to ask questions and seek information. If possible, use books, videos, or personal stories to help explain certain disabilities or challenges individuals face. Real-life examples make the conversation more relatable and help children develop a deeper understanding.
6. Encourage Open-Mindedness and Curiosity
Rather than shutting down a child’s curiosity with vague or dismissive responses, encourage their interest in learning about others. Create an environment where they feel safe asking questions. This can be as simple as saying:
"It’s great that you’re curious! Let’s talk about what you’ve noticed."
This kind of openness helps children build positive attitudes about diversity, rather than perceiving disabilities as something to avoid or fear.
7. Model Inclusivity in Everyday Interactions
Children learn through observation. If they see the adults around them interacting respectfully and comfortably with individuals with disabilities, they are more likely to adopt similar behaviors. As SLPs, we have the opportunity to model inclusive language, practices, and attitudes both in therapy sessions and in the larger community. Encourage parents, teachers, and peers to do the same by involving children with disabilities in everyday activities and conversations.
8. Use Literature and Media
Books, movies, and television shows that feature characters with disabilities can be powerful tools for introducing children to the concept of diversity. Stories allow children to see individuals with disabilities as active participants in the world around them. Some excellent books to recommend include:
"Just Ask!" by Sonia Sotomayor
"We’re All Wonders" by R.J. Palacio
"My Friend Suhana" by Shaila Abdullah and Aanyah Abdullah
“Different, A great Thing to Be!” by Heather Avia and Sarah Mensings
“I Can Do Hard Things.”
“Paint the Octopus Red!”
Encourage parents and educators to incorporate inclusive media into their child’s daily life. This can help normalize the presence of disabilities in a way that’s accessible and engaging for children.
9. Parent Perspective
Here are a few things that parents have shared with me:
“I think first and foremost, parents needs to talk about differences (abilities, race, cultures, family dynamics, etc) at home before they may even be in a situation where someone is “different”. Teaching them that maybe not everyone will look like them or their family. That maybe they’ll have a kid in their class that may need to use a wheelchair to help their legs so they can participate in activities too. And that doesn’t make them weird. It’s just a difference and that’s not a bad thing. Maybe someone can communicate and talk to them like they’re used to. And that’s okay too- it’s just something that is different. I think it’s extremely important that you don’t shhhh your kids if they do ask a question about a difference (wheelchair, colorful dyed hair, someone that might look different than them). Ignoring and shhhh-ing them is telling them that the difference is bad and shouldn’t be discussed. It’s telling me, a mom of a child that has Down syndrome, that your child was curious but you don’t want to have a simple conversation that might teach your child (and probably you as the parent) that she really is not a whole lot different than your child. She probably shares the same interests as your child.”
“I think it’s important we foster a culture where it’s ok to ask questions. I think sometimes we are too quick to tell our kids not to stare or not to look and this teaches them that it’s not ok to talk about different. I personally would rather have people ask us questions so that we can focus on similarities instead of differences and it allows an opportunity for us to teach and include instead of fear or judge the unknown.”
“Discussing disabilities with your children can offer valuable insights of inclusion and understanding. Encourage open communication, acceptance and address questions honestly. Talk about respect for all individuals. People deserve that. Focus on their abilities and not their limitations. Encourage interaction and play. This teaches your child to be comfortable and compassionate. Individuals with disabilities often provide such positive impacts on others. After all, they may just become your very best friend and may end up teaching you more than you ever thought possible!”
Conclusion
Talking to children about disabilities is an essential part of building a more inclusive and empathetic society. As parents, we play a critical role in shaping how children view differences in others. By starting these conversations early, using respectful language, and fostering curiosity and empathy, we can help children understand that disabilities are just one part of a person’s identity—and that everyone deserves to be treated with respect and kindness.
This approach not only benefits individuals with disabilities but also helps children develop the social and emotional skills they need to navigate a diverse world with openness and compassion.